You've Got Mail
This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.Sunday, January 24, 2010
Aid to Haiti
| Saw on the internet that Haiti is without a government. To help out, I am donating one Obama, one Pelosi, one Reid, one Frank, one Coakley and two Clintons! They may keep them permanently! I'd give them a constitution too, since we're not using ours right now!! | ||
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Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Call from Hell
| George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Next Queen Elizabeth calls Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he was finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge for the call and feel free to call the When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the | ||
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Saturday, January 16, 2010
Welfare
| A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, ' Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.' The social worker behind the counter said, ' Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. Located above the garage will be Designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.' The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said, "Yeah, well, You started it." | |||
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Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Fw: Inner Peace
| -------Original Message------- CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Oz proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.' So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Bacardi Rum, a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the Strawberry Shortcake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Pass this on if you know anyone you think might be in need of inner peace. | ||
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