You've Got Mail

This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.

Friday, February 20, 2009

 

Government contracting

 

    Three contractors---one from New York, one from Tennessee and the third from Florida---were bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.  The three, along with a White House official, were examining the section of the fence that needed repairing.
   
    The contractor from Florida looked at the fence, took out a tape measure, did some measuring, jotted some numbers on a pad, and turned to the official.  "Well," he said, "I figure the job will run about nine hundred dollars: four hundred dollars for materials, four hundred dollars for my crew, and a one hundred dollar profit for me."
   
    The contractor from Tennessee followed the same procedure as the one from Florida, turned to the official and said, "I can do this job for seven hundred dollars: three hundred dollars for materials, three hundred dollars for my crew, and a one hundred dollar profit for me."
    The New York contractor didn't look at the fence, didn't measure the fence, and didn't do any figuring.  He just leaned over to the White House official and whispered, "Two thousand seven hundred dollars."
   
    The incredulous official said, "You didn't look at the fence, you didn't measure the fence, and you didn't do any figuring.  How did you come up with such a high cost?"  
The New York contractor whispered back, "One thousand dollars for me, one thousand dollars for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to do the fence."
"Done!" replied the official.
And that is how government contracting works.

 

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

 

Phone Problems

  A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

  The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Monday, February 16, 2009

 

Sunday Drive


Thursday, February 12, 2009

 
 
  

 As men age, we start seeing more of the medical world, which nowa days seems to include an increasing number of women as our physicians and therapists. And in my case, a new urologist.

My family doctor recently referred me to a just out of medical school female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I must stop masturbating.

I asked her why. 

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She said, "Because I'm trying to examine you..."

 

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

 

Fw: The facts...

  
                      The Global Facts ... At Any Given Moment:
 
 
 
                      FACT:
                     79,000,000 people are engaged in sex right now.
 
 
                      FACT:
 
 
                     58,000,000 are kissing.
 
                      FACT:
 
 
                     37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
 
 
                      FACT:
 
 
 
 
                     1 lonely old timer is reading emails.
 
 
 
 
                     You hang in there sunshine.......   :-)  ;-)  :-P  :-D  :-)
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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