You've Got Mail
This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.Monday, April 28, 2008
Diet plan
| TAKE IT OFF A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. Weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.' Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles Later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows Up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. As promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes And a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have Me'. Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting In better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he Discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. As promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. 'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is Our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt This good in years.' The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it, He finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass is mine.' He lost 63 pounds that week. | ||
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008
WHERE WHITE MAN WENT WRONG
| Indian Chief, 'Two Eagles,' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
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Friday, April 11, 2008
RETIREMENT
| My new investment strategy... Here's a little retirement info for you: If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock, one year ago, you would have $49.00 left. With Enron, you'd have had $16.50 left of the original $1, 000.00. With WorldCom, you'd have had less than $5.00 left. But... if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer, one year ago, drank all the beer and then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you'd have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg. | ||
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Thursday, April 10, 2008
Five Rules for Men
| FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE: 1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other. | ||
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