You've Got Mail
This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Guts Vs Balls
| There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about People having guts or balls, but do you really know The difference between them? In an effort to keep You informed, the definitions are noted below: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with The guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and Having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are You flying somewhere?' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with The guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on Your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and Having the balls to say: 'You're next, fatty!' I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the Outcome, since both ultimately result in death. | |||
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Saturday, July 26, 2008
About Woodpeckers
| An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Alaska arguing about which state had the toughest trees To peck. The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree That no woodpecker can peck. The Texas woodpecker Challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree With no problem. The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe. The Texas woodpecker Challenged the Alaskan woodpecker to peck a tree in Texas That no woodpecker has been able to peck successfully. The Alaskan woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do It. After flying to Texas and successfully pecking the tree in Texas, the two woodpeckers couldn't figure out why the Texas Woodpecker was able to peck the Alaskan tree and the Alaskan Woodpecker was able to peck the Texan tree when neither one Was able to peck the tree in their own state. After thinking for some time they both came to the same Conclusion: "Your p-ecker is always harder when you're Away from home." | |||
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008
"The Funeral"
| A woman was leaving a Starbucks, with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her were 20 women walking single file. The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?" The woman replied, "Well, the first hearse is for my husband." "What happened to him?" The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him." She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?" The woman answer ed, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her." A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women. "Could I borrow that dog?" "Get in line."---- | ||
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Tuesday, July 08, 2008
"How the Fight Started"
| A man and a woman were asleep like two Innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the Morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up From the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!' So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, Scared and naked he jumped out the window Like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the Ground, ran through a thorn bush and then Started to run as fast as he could to his car. A few minutes later he returned and went up To the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were You running?' And that, folks....... | |||
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