You've Got Mail

This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.

Friday, July 27, 2007

FAST SEX

Fast Sex
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really
hot girl in his office... but she was dating someone else.

One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll
give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."The girl looked at
him, and then said, "NO!"

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor,
you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her
boy friend...so she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really
fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and
accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his
girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened...?

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all
quarters!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's
entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed

posted by Thundar # 8:25 AM 0 Comments

Saturday, July 14, 2007

HEALTH PLAN

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.

Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?"

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better health plan.

XOX Ginny

posted by Thundar # 2:16 PM 0 Comments

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Fw: NEW HAMPSHIRE DEPT. OF TOURISM

From The New Hampshire Department of Tourism

New Hampshire seems to be on everyone's vacation wish list. This list of rules will be handed to each person entering the state. Note: Vehicles from New Jersey, New York City and Connecticut will receive two copies

1. That slope shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "dirt road" No matter how slowly you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked, by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their Final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time!

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Order a two-pound lobster and steamers. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar skidders to pull logs out of the woods.

11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red, and we may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?

13. Yeah, we eat lobster, scallops, clams and haddock too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

14. There are pigs and there are cows. That's what they smell like. Get Used to it............. Don't like it? I-91, 93 & 89 go two ways ... get on the Southbound Lane!

15. "Opening day" refers to the first days of fishing and deer season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So what if every person in every pickup waves? It's called being Friendly. Understand the concept?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It Spooks the fish.

18. Chowder is supposed to be white. Don't even think of asking for red Chowder until you are somewhere safely south of Nashua.

Welcome to New Hampshire. The Way Life Should Be.

posted by Thundar # 8:15 AM 0 Comments