You've Got Mail

This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.

Monday, April 30, 2007

"Dramamine"

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on
the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband
says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some rubbers
before we go."

"Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up
some Dramamine."

The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says
to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package
of Dramamine, please."

"Yes sir", says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you
a question? If it makes you so nauseous, why do
you do it?"

posted by Thundar # 7:03 PM 0 Comments

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

"A Miracle Cure"

A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers
and stuttering, finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have
a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?"

"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!"
announces a proud physician, "They just came out
with this new wonder drug that does the trick! You
take some pills, and your problems are history."

So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends
him on his merry way.

A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his
patient on the street.

"Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got
to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!
I've had sex fourteen times in eight days!"

"Well, I'm glad to hear that" says the pleased physician,
"What does your wife think about it?"

"Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't even been home yet!"

posted by Thundar # 8:50 AM 0 Comments

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

What not to say to a cop

While I was "flying" down the road yesterday (i.e. 4 mph over the limit), I

passed over a bridge only to find cop with a radar gun on the other side

laying in wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic

patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied," I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop just stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a

rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to

two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work side

to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch,

until it's about 6 foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a

bridge....."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00

Court Costs: $45.00

The Look on that Cop's Face: PRICELESS

posted by Thundar # 10:39 PM 0 Comments

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Fw: to be 6 again

   A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife,
looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked
what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

   "I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

   On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big
bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a
day!
   He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of
Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

   He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal
with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

   Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite
candy M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with
a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well dear, what was it like being six
again??"

   Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant
my dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna
get it wrong.

posted by Thundar # 7:04 PM 0 Comments