You've Got Mail

This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.

Monday, October 30, 2006

"Twick Or Tweat"

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find
the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly
hair and the biggest blue eyes.

She was dressed as an Angel, and was just
delightful. The woman said, "What are you supposed
to say, sweetheart?"

The little girl looks up at the woman and says, "Twick
or Tweat!"

The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls
her husband to come to the door. The woman say to
the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time."

Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick
or Tweat!"

The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is
just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from
the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops
it into the little girl's Treat Bag.

The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the
woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke
all my frigging cookies!"

posted by Thundar # 1:05 PM 0 Comments

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Fw: broom love

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to
know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom
broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom
broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over
and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little whisk
broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.

Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt.

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"

posted by Thundar # 9:12 PM 0 Comments

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Brains

Nominated as the best short joke this year!

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," replied his mother

Thanks Barb for sending this one!!!

posted by Thundar # 5:49 PM 0 Comments

Thursday, October 19, 2006

$800

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, What are you doing?
She answers, I'm moving to New York. I heard prostitutes there get paid
$400 a night for doing what I do for you for free.

A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees
her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he is going, he replies, I'm coming too.

I want to see how you live on $800 a year.

posted by Thundar # 10:28 AM 0 Comments

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Why English Only

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

You could have heard a pin drop.

posted by Thundar # 2:56 PM 0 Comments

Saturday, October 14, 2006

The Perfect Day

PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants.

9:00 Open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10:00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry

12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17 pounds

1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer

4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work

on such a perfect body

5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror

7:30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers

10:00 Hot shower (alone)

10:50 Carried to bed . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing

her growler

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Several beers en-route to airport

9:15 Flight in personal Lear Jet

9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9:45 Play front nine - 2 under

11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine - 4 under

2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons)

2:30 Fly to Bahamas

3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude, who also bend over a lot displaying growlers

4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle

5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over, naturally).

6:45 Shit, Shower and Shave

7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated;

7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big

pair of tits

9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch football game

9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over)

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer

11:30 A night cap blow job

11:45 In bed alone

11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

posted by Thundar # 1:12 PM 0 Comments

Thursday, October 05, 2006

"Dental Extraction"

A man goes to a dental surgeon to have a
tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing
needle to give the man. "No way! No needles!
I hate needles!" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing
gas and the man again objects.

"I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having
the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"

The dentist then asks if the man has any
objection to taking a pill.

"No objection", the patient says, "I am fine
with pills".

The dentist left for a moment and when he
returned, says "Here is a V*agra tablet."

The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know the
V-Pill worked as a pain killer!"

"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give
you something to hold onto when I pull
out your tooth."

posted by Thundar # 10:27 PM 0 Comments

FW: Mexican Joke

3 guys were trying to pick up a gorgeous Blond model.

One guy was Irish,the next German and the last was Mexican.

As they argued over her she said "I can settle this"

Who ever use's the words liver & cheese in the same sentence can take me home.

So the Irishmen goes first "I like liver and cheese,but I like you better"

Not bad she says

The German goes next "I can make you a delicious dish of liver and cheese made with German beer"

That sounds good she replies

As she looks at the Mexican (named Quayne)

He turns to the other guys and says

Scroll down slowly

Wait for it!!!

"Liver alone Cheese mine"

posted by Thundar # 10:18 PM 0 Comments