You've Got Mail

This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Fw: Red' Skeleton :)

RED SKELTON'S

RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....

but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our

anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"

she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.

If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric

bread maker.

She said "There are too many gadgets and no place

to sit down!" . So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because

there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late

for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her

first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked "What's on the TV?"

I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it.........this is the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just

clean

>and simple fun

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posted by Thundar # 2:37 PM 0 Comments

Saturday, May 13, 2006

"Miscommunication?"

What a woman says:

"This place is a mess!

C'mon, you and I need to clean,

Your stuff is lying on the floor

and you'll have no clothes to wear

if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:

blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON

blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I

blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR

blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES

blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

posted by Thundar # 9:33 PM 0 Comments

Mark your Calendar.....

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!!

Monday is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday :Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious,when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of IkeTurner, I am so very very glad to officially announce Monday as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! Here are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.

* If questioned by a supervisor or police, (if the supervisor is the irritant), you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a GREAT DAY!

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posted by Thundar # 8:58 PM 0 Comments

Saturday, May 06, 2006

LAST SUPPORT CHECK

LAST CHILD-SUPPORT CHECK!!!

Today's my baby girl's 18th birthday. I be so glad

that this be my last child support payment!

Month after month, year after year, all those damn payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get there, I say, "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma house and tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin' from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama's face."

So, my baby girl take the check over to her momma. I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout the 'spression on her face.

Baby girl walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo momma say 'bout that?"

She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .... and watch the 'spression on yo face.