You've Got Mail

This blog is all about jokes and random thoughts. Don't look for deep insight or thoughts on current events..This is just to make me and my friends laugh and hopefully a few others as well.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids
overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra
in His son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one
of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad;
they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?"
asked Grandpa. "$ 10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try
one,and before we leave in the morning, I'll put
the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00
under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you
each pill was $10.00, not $110.00. "

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

posted by Thundar # 12:14 AM 0 Comments

Monday, April 17, 2006

What are thoes?

A man and his young son are in the drugstore

when the son sees the shelf of condoms and

asks his father what they are. The dad replies,

"Well, son, those are condoms and they're for

protection when you're having sex."

The son then picks up one of the packs and

asks why it has three in it. The dad replies,

"Those are for high school boys. One for

Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

The son then picks up one with six units

asks, "Why six?"

The dad replies, "Well son, those are for

college men. Two for Friday, two for Saturday

and two for Sunday."

The son then notices the 12 pack and asks

the same question.

The dad replies, "Son, those are for married

men. One for January, one for February,

one for March...."

posted by Thundar # 10:12 PM 0 Comments

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Fw: DR. STORIES

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths, big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk,
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6.. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn.

Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

posted by Thundar # 5:22 PM 0 Comments

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border
from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all
services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers
speak English.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on
my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any
complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and dont enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

posted by Thundar # 7:47 PM 0 Comments